Slow Dancing with Myself

I tried something totally new last night.  Something that I never thought of doing; something I hesitate to share because it’s weird.

My neighbors both in Connecticut and Florida will attest that there is usually fun, danceable, loud music playing quite frequently in my homes. Those who get too close will probably hear off key singing as well. What they probably can’t tell you is, I always dance around the house when I am alone. 

I had been working on a project and was listening to my current obsession, a collection of songs by the band Caamp. Per usual, it was playing loudly. As I was making dinner one of my absolute favorites came on, and I literally wrapped my arms around myself and danced like I was with someone I loved. I momentarily pretended someone else was with me, but I challenged myself to be in the moment, not a fantasy. At first it was awkward, but it became magical as I became more accustomed to it. There were moments when I laughed and unwrapped my arms, but I made the executive decision to see one love song through to the end, and I am so glad I made that promise to myself. 

Before I share what I learned through this exercise, let me say the idea was not wholly mine.  One of my daily reads suggested an exercise where I hold myself like a child; I had every intention of trying the exercise when I went to bed, but I kept forgetting.  I saw a perfect opportunity to reconfigure the exercise into an activity that easily fit into my schedule and one I could do easily while making dinner.

By slow dancing with myself, I choose to acknowledge my self love.  I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I am so proud of the work I am doing on myself and in my life. For every time I wasn’t invited to or was too self conscious to slow dance in a public setting, I chose myself last night.  I may not have a partner, but I deserve a slow dance when I want one. We all have a right to feel that way. 

I was reminded that I really can provide for myself almost everything a life partner could bring to the table.  There were clear moments when I had to refrain from bursting into Miley Cyrus’ Flowers lyrics, but that just made me laugh even more. I recalled all the times I would have flowers in my classroom, and my students would assume there was someone special in my life. Sure, if there had been someone to dance with last night I wouldn’t have chosen myself.  But, I decided if I can provide everything else for myself, why not a slow dance.

I think by far the most important lesson I learned from my session with myself last night is it feels fabulous to hug yourself especially in a world without touch.  I have always been a hugger and a benign toucher, if I walk behind you I will gently touch your back or arm.  I have so missed physical connection, especially since my mom passed.  She was a hugger too!

Stopping to sing along or dance to music always presents an opportunity for a mindful activity. By doing something so radical, I truly slowed down my thought process. I investigated why I felt silly and weird by getting in touch with my emotions. I was reminded of how much I truly do like myself, even love myself, flaws and all.  I was amazed at how good it felt to just hug myself.  I will be making that a daily priority.  

The next time you feel like dancing by yourself, dance.  Dance with yourself.  Give to yourself what you most desire.  If you can’t slow dance with yourself yet, try just hugging yourself. One day, when you’re ready, you will dance.